Onekit, Twokit, Redkit, Bluekit
by Gingehfish
Summary: Onekit was not originally from his home Clan of WindClan, just as Bluestar and her deputy Redtail were not technically born into ThunderClan. And there was, of course, the matter of Onestar's deranged sister, Twotail. It all started moons before any of them were born... COMPLETE. Warning: makes no sense. Read at your own risk.
1. WeaselClan

**So this is my next mini-project... it's only going to be six chapters long, and it's most definitely a spoof. XD I combined a Dr. Seuss rhyme with Warriors, and here I have it: 'Onekit, Twokit, Redkit, Bluekit'.**

**This story will be really short, six chapters long, with chapters averaging around 400-500 words. It will not go in chronological order, instead going in the order the rhyme has it. It will make little to no sense and is not at all canon. That being, said... enjoy!**

**Cheers,  
****Gingeh**

* * *

_Why was Onestar named Onekit?_ some _Warriors_ fans may ask. _That's a ridiculous name._ But was it?

You see, Onekit was not originally from his home Clan of WindClan, just as Bluestar and her deputy Redtail were not technically born into ThunderClan. And there was, of course, the matter of Onestar's deranged sister, Twotail.

It all started moons before any of them were born...

...with the formation of WeaselClan, a society of cats bent on stealing kits from kittypets to teach them a lesson for being so wimpy. Eventually, this society turned to inter-Clan stealing as well, but in the early days they only stole from kittypets.

The first kit ever stolen by WeaselClan was snatched by the founders—two ThunderClan cats named Moonflower and Stormtail. The two were mates, and craved an extra sibling for their unborn kits.

So they set out into Twolegplace one night to steal themselves a daughter.

* * *

**Chapter One: WeaselClan  
**_In which we are introduced to the society and its founders, and witness the kitnap of a certain blue-furred kittypet_

* * *

"Quiet!" Moonflower hissed, flicking her tail over Stormtail's mouth. A fierce light was in her eyes. "I see her!"

Stormtail shut his mouth. Back then, he was very talkative, but he knew that WeaselClan's first mission had to be a success.

He and Moonflower crept along the fence at the edge of the Twolegplace, watching the kittypet suckle her newborn children, adoration in her eyes. There were five of them—two toms and three she-cats. Stormtail glanced over them—Moonflower had made it clear she wanted a daughter, so he ignored the toms. The she-cats looked nothing like either him or Moonflower. But wait—what was that? A previously unseen kit squirmed into view. She was a blue-gray color, and was slightly smaller than the rest. Perfect. Moonflower was due to kit within two days; no one would notice the extra kit in that time.

"That one," he whispered. Moonflower nodded, excitement in her eyes, large belly swaying slightly, and replied, "Now!"

Stormtail leapt to the ground. The she-cat looked up, fear in her eyes.

"Hello," Stormtail said, malice in his voice. "I am here for an extra kit."

The kittypet's eyes widened in horror. "No!" she shrieked. "Not my kits! Not my kits!" She struggled to rise, but the kits at her belly squirmed and squealed so she could not move.

She curled her legs protectively over her kits and whimpered, "Please, sir, please don't hurt my babies."

"Don't worry, sweetheart," Stormtail purred. "I only want one."

With that, he darted forward. Knocking aside the kittypet, he plucked the blue-gray she-kit from her mother's belly and dashed across the lawn and up the fence, over into the forest beyond...


	2. Onekit

_Heads up. I'm going on vacation very soon and my life will become increasingly busy. From today until August 4th, I will probably not update this story or any others. At least, not consistently or frequently. Don't worry, once things settle down for me, we'll be back to my normal update schedule, which is located in the second section of my profile, for those of you who don't know. :)_

* * *

Now we come to the tragic tale of Onekit, to become leader of WindClan one day. Of course, Onestar wasn't actually born in his Clan. Did you really think he was? This is a story about kitnapping, after all...

* * *

**Chapter Two: Onekit  
**_In which we are introduced to Onekit and his sister, and learn the reason for their parents' favoritism_

* * *

"He's perfect," the she-cat whispered, looking adoringly down at the little kit. But this was not a normal mother-sees-son moment in the nursery, but a young mother, side by side with her mate, preparing to kidnap—once again—from the Twolegplace.

WeaselClan had grown in the many moons and seasons since its founders, Stormtail and Moonflower, had passed on to StarClan. The new leaders were RiverClan cats who weren't actually mates, but who pretended to be for their birth Clan: Oakheart and Graypool. These two cats had turned from stealing kittypet kits to stealing Clan and rogue kits.

The mates watching their soon-to-be 'son' didn't care that introducing kittypet blood to the Clans was now frowned upon by their secret society. Wrenflight and Tornear didn't have the heart to kidnap from Thunder-, River-, or ShadowClan, and rogues could fight back. Kittypet mothers were the easiest for both their bodies and minds to steal from—they could leave with a kit and no guilt or wounds.

The kitnap was quick. The young mother who was stolen from hardly knew what had happened. All she saw as the two WindClan cats dashed away was that her son was gone. She let out a wail of distress, calling her Twolegs, but by the time anyone came to help her, the kitnappers were long gone.

Back at the WindClan nursery, Wrenflight purred to her new son. She had birthed her only true kit only a few hours before the kitnap, and no one noticed that she had an extra kit in her den. Everyone was too thrilled about her litter, especially her half-brother Tallstar, the leader of WindClan.

* * *

Two moons later.

"Mama, why am I called Onekit?" the small brown tabby asked, curious.

His mother paused. Tornear, his father, was out on a hunting patrol. They had discussed this moment—when they would either tell Onekit the truth about his parentage or lie to him—but in their plans, both parents had been there. Could she dodge the question? Was it too risky to try? Onekit was a smart little tom, but he was still only a kit, and likely to believe anything his mother told him. In a moment, Wrenflight made her decision.

"Well, Onekit, darling," she began, licking the fur on his forehead. He squealed in protest and darted away to the other side of the nest. "You were the first kit born. So we named you Onekit." In a way, that was true—he was perhaps a day older than his sister—but it was not the whole truth, as Wrenflight well knew.

"Oh. Okay," Onekit said. "Is that why Twokit is called Twokit? Because she was born after me?"

"No," Wrenflight said, making a face. "She was named Twokit because she has two tails, and she thinks she's two cats."

"Oh."

Outside, Twokit giggled as she talked to herself. Wrenflight muttered under her breath, ashamed she had birthed such a maniac. There was a reason Onekit was the favored child.


	3. Twokit

Twokit really is a special little something, isn't she? Quite crazy, both deranged and deformed. And it's strange how she's the only Clan-born one among our heroes! Her parents must wish she was the only one who_ wasn't_.

* * *

**Chapter Three: Twokit  
**_In which we delve into the dark recesses of Twokit's mind_

* * *

Two sneezed.

Kit groaned.

Two flicked her tail. Kit flicked hers as well.

Two burst out, "Kit, why do you think I'm so annoying? I can't help sneezing!"

"If I were in control today, I wouldn't waste time sneezing," Kit retorted.

"Well, today's _my_ day," Two retorted, "and I don't think sneezing is a waste of time. Anyway, we're not doing much today. I want to rest after what you did _yesterday_."

"We went exploring!"

"And almost fell into the gorge!"

"We turned out okay," Kit protested.

"And now we're confined to the den," Two pointed out.

"So why try to credit yourself for wanting to rest?" Kit whined.

Two lashed her tail and glared furiously at the ground. It was a pity they shared a body, other than their two tails, or she could actually glare at her sister. "Because even if we hadn't been caught, I'd want to stay here!" she hissed.

Two could tell that if Kit had control of their body, she would be sighing in exasperation. As it was, the disgust in her voice was clear when she muttered, "Spoilsport."

Two hissed and crouched back down into their nest. "Shut up. We're getting some sleep."

"Sleep is boring!" Kit complained. "I don't even dream."

"I do," Two said softly. "It's very nice. I'm not cooped up in the same body as you. I'm free."

"Well, good for you," Kit said grumpily. "Fine, we can get some sleep."

"Thanks, Kit," Two said sleepily, already dozing off.

"Yeah," Kit grunted. Despite their different natures, the two sisters did love each other. Kit wished Two was more adventurous, and Two wished Kit was a little more cautious. But still, they could get along—occasionally.

Two's dreams were full of happy things—becoming an apprentice, becoming a warrior, getting a mate, raising a family, and, best of all, she was by herself. Kit sometimes appeared, but always as someone else entirely, still her sister.

Kit didn't dream. She never did.

* * *

Time passed. The sisters continued their schedule of changing who was in control of their body every day. They tried to ignore their Clanmates' jibes and their lack of faith. Still, WindClan felt obligated to keep Twokit in their Clan. She was only a kit, after all.

Onekit, their brother, treated them differently than the rest of the Clan. He was kind, but distant. Their parents, Tornear and Wrenflight, tried to distance their perfect son from their crazy daughter, but on occasion—like their apprentice ceremony—they were permitted to talk to each other.

Two kept her name; Kit became Paw. Their apprenticeship was a trial. Their mentor was Heatherstar, as she didn't think anyone else could handle such a difficult apprentice.

At last, their warrior ceremony came. Onepaw became Onewhisker, Two kept her name; Paw became Tail.

Of course, it would all end in tragedy.

But that's another story. We'll get to that, in time.


	4. Redkit

Ah, Redtail. We all thought we knew his simple story, didn't we? Of course, it was all a lie—Oakheart didn't kill him, Tigerclaw did. But Redtail here is about to learn his life was a lie, too, not just his death...

* * *

**Chapter Four: Redkit  
**_In which Redtail learns of his true parentage while in StarClan, and is properly horrified_

* * *

It wasn't Redtail's first day in StarClan; far from it, actually. He had learned about SkyClan long ago. He knew all sorts of StarClan secrets. He often spoke with the long-dead Bluestar, who was very influential in the council of starry cats.

He had a pretty good death. Most of his family was now dead with him—this was long after the Dark Forest War, even—and he could spend time with them, too. Really, he was just great.

He didn't _want_ to know any horrible family secrets... but his parents didn't really care.

Swiftbreeze and Adderfang had been good parents, kind and loyal. Good role models. He had never doubted he was their son.

He should have.

When his parents came up to him one day, he assumed they had just come to talk and have fun. He welcomed them happily and inquired about their deaths, ignoring the worried looks on their faces.

"Mother, Father, are you doing well?" Redtail asked pleasantly.

"Well—" Swiftbreeze began.

Taking that as an answer, he said, "Oh that's lovely! Yeah, I'm doing great to. Have you—"

He was interrupted by his father, Adderfang.

"Son, we have something important to tell you," the dark tabby tom said gravely.

Redtail blinked, confused. "What?" he asked, not very curious. (They never really are.)

"Son..." Swiftbreeze paused. "Redtail, you aren't actually our son."

"I-I'm adopted?" Redtail stammered, shocked.

"Well... not really," Adderfang admitted. "You see, a long time ago, we became involved in an underground society called WeaselClan, and—"

"WeaselClan?" Redtail asked incredulously. "Are you guys crazy?"

"We were back then," Swiftbreeze muttered. "We joined WeaselClan, and, well... we kidnapped you from a kittypet, so your sisters could have a brother."

"You _what_?!" Redtail shouted. "But—I'm not Clan born? I'm—I'm a kittypet?"

"No, you're a warrior, but you weren't born one," Adderfang explained.

"UGH! GO AWAY!" Redtail shouted. "I HATE YOU! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE!" He stormed away, leaving his parents alone.

Swiftbreeze frowned. "Well, he didn't take that well at all."

"No," Adderfang agreed. "He's acting like an apprentice." He paused. "Should we tell him that he's related to Scourge, too?"

"Maybe next week," Swiftbreeze said, sighing. "I don't think he can handle it right now."


	5. Bluekit

Bluestar the Wise. Bluestar the Leader. Bluestar the Crazy. Also Bluestar the Suspicious, as we're about to learn...

* * *

**Chapter Five - Bluekit  
**_In which Bluepaw catches her father in the act of kitnapping_

* * *

Bluepaw was hunting when she saw a most peculiar sight. Her father stalked carefully through the forest, ears pricked to catch any noise. She frowned. What was he doing?

Stormtail padded forward, evidently assured that no one was watching him. _Wrong_, Bluepaw thought as, curious, she followed him as he headed toward the Twolegplace.

Her father stepped softly, stopping ever so often to glance over his shoulder. Bluepaw was well-hidden, so he did not catch sight of her, but she wondered what he was doing.

At last, Stormtail reached the fences that bordered ThunderClan's territory with Twolegplace. To Bluepaw's shock and horror, her father didn't hesitate, but jumped onto one of the fences and disappeared into the maze of Twoleg nests.

She waited for him to return. She waited a long time, nearly an hour. When Stormtail poked his head over the fence and leaped back down into ThunderClan territory, he carried a small, mewling kit in his jaws.

Bluepaw was stunned. What was he _doing_? Was he... kitnapping?

Purposefully, Stormtail strode back into the forest. Bluepaw stealthily followed him until they reached the RiverClan border. Unaware of his silent watcher, Stormtail sat down with the kit in his jaws, staring across the river, as if waiting for someone.

In a matter of minutes, a slim young RiverClan she-cat appeared on the other shore. She swam across, took the kit from Bluepaw's father, and, without exchanging a word with Stormtail, swam back across the river.

Stormtail yawned, stretched, then groomed himself for a little while. At last he made as if to go, but Bluepaw was not about to wait quietly and not tell anyone. She burst out of hiding and hissed at her father, "What was _that_ about?"

Startled, Stormtail jumped, his eyes wide. "Bluepaw!" he exclaimed, sounding a little guilty. "How... how long have you been following me?"

"Long enough," she spat, disgusted. "What were you doing? You stole a kit from Twolegplace, then gave it to some RiverClan cat!"

Stormtail shrugged. "She was part of the Clan, and she was busy. I had to do it for her."

"Do what for her? Kitnap?" Bluepaw yowled.

"Keep your voice down," he hushed her, glancing around. "Yes, alright? I'm the founder of a Clan, WeaselClan, that kidnaps kits from kittypets and brings them to the Clans. Kits like _you_, Bluepaw."

Bluepaw sat and stared at her father in shock. "I'm... I'm a kittypet?" she said in a small voice. "You're not actually my father?"

Stormtail shook his head, not looking as sad as he should have. "No, I'm not..."

"I hate you!" Bluepaw cried, turning and running away. "I'll tell the whole Clan! You won't get away—"

But Stormtail was faster than her. He leaped on top of her and growled in her ear, "If you tell anyone—_anyone_—I'll kill you. I'm sorry... you just can't tell."

Shocked and terrified, Bluepaw had no choice but to believe him. She would spend the rest of her life haunted by the thought that she wasn't Clanborn, and would never let her "father" forget it in her death.

* * *

_Only one more chapter left! Thanks for reading and reviewing. :)_

_You may have noticed I haven't been talking much about my next fanfic...that's because it's not going to be a Warriors fic. It's going to be a fanfic for Chronicles of Ancient Darkness by Michelle Paver, a series about wolves and Stone Age humans. The Erins really liked it, if you feel like giving it a read. :) I would highly recommend it. If not, that's fine. Enjoy my Warriors fanfics, including the Chaos Chronicles, Fever, and several oneshots, instead! :D_


	6. KittyClan

These miscellaneous stories all have to connect somehow. Here it is, in this strange climax of events: the epic tale of KittyClan...

* * *

**Chapter Six - KittyClan  
**_In which a certain ginger tom goes missing, and his mother rises up against the society_

* * *

Nutmeg sat, rather bored, in her garden. She had just taken a nap, and wasn't tired enough to take another one. Vaguely, she wondered how her kits were doing. Six or seven moons ago, she had given birth to Jake's kittens, and about three moons ago, they had been taken away from her. Maybe she ought to check up on them.

She stretched, then hopped up onto her fence and began to wander. She smelled the faint scent of her mate: Jake had passed by this nest recently. Maybe he knew where some of their offspring would be.

Nutmeg followed his scent for awhile, then finally caught up to him.

"Jake!" she called out.

"Nutmeg!" the ginger tom said cheerfully. "How have you been? How are the kits?"

"Oh, my Housefolk gave them away a few moons back," she said carelessly. "I was actually wondering if you knew where some of them were."

"Hm, no," Jake said regretfully. "You might want to ask around, though."

Nutmeg spent the next several hours searching for her kits. She found two of the five, and heard of two more. The last one, who looked most like his father, she couldn't find any trace of.

Until she met Smudge, a young, fat black-and-white tom. He said her son—Rusty—had ran away to the forest. This greatly alarmed Nutmeg. Her son in the forest? Those terrible wild cats would eat him!

She quickly ran away, trying to find Jake. However, he seemed to have disappeared. Several other kittypets noticed her distress, and quickly agreed to help when she explained her situation.

"I've heard of those awful wild cats," she told her companions. "They're terrible—they steal kits and they call themselves WeaselClan!"

By then, many cats had gathered to listen to Nutmeg speak. She told them of how long WeaselClan had kitnapped from the Twolegplace, and now they must have taken her son.

"We must join together, to find our _own_ Clan!" Nutmeg shouted. "We must take back our kits... we must become KittyClan!"

There was a rousing cheer of "KittyClan! KittyClan!" Nutmeg was elated. She must have half of Twolegplace behind her!

The next few days were a blur. KittyClan, surprisingly, stayed together. The cats of Twolegplace were genuinely angry their kits had been stolen, and they were ready to take them back.

KittyClan was planning an attack.

* * *

The night of the battle arrived. Nutmeg was nervous: she had never led an army before. But she was still determined to save her son Rusty.

She and her army "snuck" into the forest. What a wonder they must have been to any Clan patrols who saw them go their way!

They wandered around for quite awhile, enough time to make it to the moor. There, they witnessed a furtive exchange: two cats bargaining over a kit. A kit that smelled of the Twolegplace.

Enraged, KittyClan attacked. They didn't know how to fight, but there were only two cats. Within moments, the two WeaselClan cats were dead.

* * *

Onewhisker had no idea what was going on. WindClan had just been driven from their camp, and next thing they knew, they had run into a war party of kittypets!

Tallstar's orders were to avoid any fighting, but that soon became impossible as the crazed kittypets attacked their warriors. Soon a battle raged around them. WindClan was faring poorly, though only because they were still weak from being attacked by ShadowClan.

In the midst of the battle, Onewhisker ran into a small brown tabby she-cat.

"Have you any idea what's going on?" he asked her, panting.

She snarled at him. "We're getting revenge on WeaselClan for stealing kits!"

"What?" he replied blankly.

"Nevermind," she hissed, then went back to attacking him.

* * *

Twotail had never been a good warrior. She had never been a good cat, honestly. She would have made a much better being if she was separate, not a combination of Two and Tail.

Unfortunately for Two, Tail was in charge on the day of the battle. She had always been too confident, and the two of them were already weak from the earlier battle...

Two's life had just been turning around. There was a handsome young tom in her Clan that had decided to try and overcome her problems. He didn't love Tail—he loved Two. It was impossible, but they could have worked. Maybe.

It was all Tail's fault.

The body they both shared was soon lying dead on the ground.

They both went to StarClan—but at least they went separately. Two was Two; Tail was Tail. They were not the same anymore.

Still, what a life wasted...

* * *

Redtail was dead by then. He was confused, along with the rest of StarClan, about the battle. It made no sense to anyone—and how could _kittypets_ be beating seasoned warriors?

It was before his parents' confession, so he didn't really care.

* * *

Some WeaselClan cats heard of the battle while it was still occurring. They managed to make it to the end of it, fresh reinforcements, though no one involved honestly knew what was going on.

Bluestar wasn't quite sure why certain members of her Clan—the ones that most often disappeared randomly—came back with wounds, but she didn't really want to know. Some secrets were best left unspoken.

* * *

One good thing came out of all this madness: WeaselClan disintegrated. The fear of another attack from vengeful kittypets was enough to stop them.

And—hopefully—the world will never know such insanity again.

* * *

_That's the end! Thanks for reading, though I don't know why any of you would. XD_

_My next story, a Chronicles of Ancient Darkness fic, will be uploaded next week. :)_


End file.
